you kiss my lips and you taste like pain

today was so difficult for me.
i went to the bunnell talent show with alyssa
and a few hours before hand i realized that dom might be going.
i looked at his away message and sure enough he was going.
naturally i started freaking out.
alyssa and him are good friends so obviously they would say hi.
i had no idea how i would react if i saw him.
am i suppose to be friendly?
am i suppose to ignore him?
and i suppose to completely freak out and make a fool of myself?
i had no idea what to do.

alyssa imed me before i left and she said this:
ALYSSAtoASHES: if we see dom
ALYSSAtoASHES: tonoihg
ALYSSAtoASHES: ..
ALYSSAtoASHES: tonight*
ALYSSAtoASHES: cause he just called me
ALYSSAtoASHES: and told me he was going
ALYSSAtoASHES: i waslike
CheckYesCristina: =[
ALYSSAtoASHES: OHSHIZZZZ cristina is coming
ALYSSAtoASHES: he said
ALYSSAtoASHES: of course i'll talk to her
ALYSSAtoASHES: i'm not gonna be an asshole
CheckYesCristina: =]
ALYSSAtoASHES: :]]]
ALYSSAtoASHES: and trust me
ALYSSAtoASHES: i know dom
ALYSSAtoASHES: he's not gonna get all weirded out
ALYSSAtoASHES: like do it out of pity
ALYSSAtoASHES: he'll want to
ALYSSAtoASHES: if he didnt he wouldnt
CheckYesCristina: ok good

so that made me feel a little better.
but i was still extremely nervous.
i hadn't seen or talked to dom since he broke up with me.
so of course this would be very awkward.

so i met up with alyssa at bunnell
and we walked around looking for seats
she was also looking for dom,
but i was praying that he wouldnt show up
we finally found seats and there were about
6 more seats open right next to us.
it was 7:00 and the show was about to start
i looked towards the door and there was dom
talking with some of his friends.
i kept saying in my head "please sit on the other side"
over and over. but apparently he can't read minds
because he sat right in my row.
alyssa moved to the other side of me so she could sit
next to john and dom was on the other side of john.
dom waved to me, smiled, and said hey
i did the same back.
alyssa showed him her really tight pants and he said to me
"do you wear pants this tight?" and i said "no" and he said "good".
throughout the show he was being his usual obnoxious self.
during intermission he gave alyssa a hug because he didnt before.
and then he looked at me and said
"why aren't you giving me a hug?! what am i black? come here you"
so i stood up and gave him a hug.
and then i said "how are you?" and he said
"good. how are you?" and i said "im good."
and then he goes "sorry for being an asshole"
and i said "its okay."  =[

whenever something funny happened during the show
dom would laugh. it made my heart start racing.
he has such a good laugh. i miss his laugh. i love his laugh.
it killed me to hear him laugh every 5 seconds.
i remember that day we were at long brook
and we were walking back to my car he laughed
at something and i told him he has a funny laugh
he said "i have a retarded laugh" asdfghjkl;

ugh. im trying really hard to not like him
but it isnt working at all.
it feels likes its been forever but
it hasnt even been three months.
i just wanna be over him. i wanna move on.
but at the exact same time.. i wanna make love to him.