i'm having another episode i just need a stronger dose

hood up. headphones in.

don't talk to me.

best way to fall asleep at night

laying next to him

his arms around you

holding you tight

your head on his chest

listening to his heartbeat.

it beats for you.

all i wanna do is be with you.

it really scares me how much he's in love with her.

he would do absolutely anything for her

but she doesn't even care.

i can't tell if she is the biggest bitch on the planet

or if she is just extremely retarded.

either way.. i hate her.

she has no idea how lucky she.

all she has to do is say the word,

and they will live happily ever after

together. 

third time is definitely not the charm

i cannot take this anymore
i made one little mistake by telling him i thought he was hot
and now he won't leave me alone!
i really need to look at someone before i tell them they're hot.
gah i dont know what to do!
he is so annoying. he is not at all my type. he is too desperate.
he listens to sucky music. he doesnt know what scene is.
he doesnt speak my lingo. he types horribly. he is fuckin latino.
he isn't hot. he ims me and texts me way too much.
he doesnt know how to talk on the phone but thats okay because
i hate the sound of his voice. and worst of all.. he's not mike.

dear the artist formally known as,

i'll say it for you.
because we all know she won't.

its all the same, everyday

he spelled it out for her
she hears it. but she won't listen.
he knows she's not listening
but he keeps on loving.
she doesn't deserve his love
he doesn't deserve the heartbreak.

there's someone out there watching
only watching; nothing more.

you know youre in love when you cant fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams

you have no idea what i feel when
my phone rings and i see your name on the screen.

all of my friends think im crazy for liking you.
they all say stuff like "it'll never work out/
you're just gonna be heartbroken in the end/
its not worth it so don't even bother.

even if thats true. you know i'm not gonna listen.
i don't really care about the future.
i'm more of a live in the moment kinda girl.
honestly. right now all that matters to me
is that you're alive.

shit

why does this always fuckin happen?
every single time.
i try so fuckin hard but nothing works.
its so close. but not close enough.
people who dont deserve it get it.
while i just sit here wishing i was on the other side.
fuck my life.

hum hallelujah

nowaynowaynoway
i cant believe this is happening
this is insane.

Friends are like potatoes; If you eat them, they die. Well i wish someone would eat her.

it really really amuses me how she feels the need
to post a myspace bulletin, away message, & fb status
saying that she is annoyed with me!! and how she
uses one word answers on aim! i think its soo funny
because she is finally realizing that i DO NOT want
to be her friend. i am so sick of her. and she acts
as if she is doing me a favor but not saying it to my
face LMAO! this is the bulletin..

"you make me so annoyed.
and feeling really unappreciated
as your friend.
but i wont even tell you that
because im so fuckin nice.
so you can continue to believe
that its all peachy fuckin keen.
and put me back in the back of your life.
im old news, youve got it better.
dontcha?"

ahahahahahahaha!!!! too hysterical!!
so that was all yesterday. and then today she calls
me and talks to me like as if nothing happened i
was all like fuck i finally thought i was off the hook.

so like i posted one of those bulletins where you
write 10 things to 10 people. and i wrote one about
her being extremely annoying and about how everyone
knows i hate her execpt for her. and she IMed me
today saying this: "GOSH IM SO INSULTED YOU DIDNT
TALK ABOUT ME IN YOUR BULLETIN. only im kidding :]
i shoulda been first you you shoulda been like bitch i love you"

JOKES! JOKES! ahaha wow she is so retarded. i swear.

one. two. three. four.

i can now say that i am officially pimpin it
hehehe =P

everyone knows except you.

once again i can't even vent to her
without her turning the subject around
and making it about her.
she always tries to compare my problems to hers
but it doesn't work because my problems
are usually about my boyfriends/ex-boyfriends
and of course.. shes never had a boyfriend
so how on earth can she ever relate her problems to mine?!
it makes sense inside her messed up brain.
but it isnt right. she has no idea.

whenever i have good news about a boyfriend
she doesn't care at all because she is so jealous.
and she will just say something like "cool."
whenever i am upset about a boyfriend/ex
she acts like as if she knows what im going through
BULL SHIT!

i honestly don't know why i'm friends with her.
i can't wait until she goes away to uconn.

you kiss my lips and you taste like pain

today was so difficult for me.
i went to the bunnell talent show with alyssa
and a few hours before hand i realized that dom might be going.
i looked at his away message and sure enough he was going.
naturally i started freaking out.
alyssa and him are good friends so obviously they would say hi.
i had no idea how i would react if i saw him.
am i suppose to be friendly?
am i suppose to ignore him?
and i suppose to completely freak out and make a fool of myself?
i had no idea what to do.

alyssa imed me before i left and she said this:
ALYSSAtoASHES: if we see dom
ALYSSAtoASHES: tonoihg
ALYSSAtoASHES: ..
ALYSSAtoASHES: tonight*
ALYSSAtoASHES: cause he just called me
ALYSSAtoASHES: and told me he was going
ALYSSAtoASHES: i waslike
CheckYesCristina: =[
ALYSSAtoASHES: OHSHIZZZZ cristina is coming
ALYSSAtoASHES: he said
ALYSSAtoASHES: of course i'll talk to her
ALYSSAtoASHES: i'm not gonna be an asshole
CheckYesCristina: =]
ALYSSAtoASHES: :]]]
ALYSSAtoASHES: and trust me
ALYSSAtoASHES: i know dom
ALYSSAtoASHES: he's not gonna get all weirded out
ALYSSAtoASHES: like do it out of pity
ALYSSAtoASHES: he'll want to
ALYSSAtoASHES: if he didnt he wouldnt
CheckYesCristina: ok good

so that made me feel a little better.
but i was still extremely nervous.
i hadn't seen or talked to dom since he broke up with me.
so of course this would be very awkward.

so i met up with alyssa at bunnell
and we walked around looking for seats
she was also looking for dom,
but i was praying that he wouldnt show up
we finally found seats and there were about
6 more seats open right next to us.
it was 7:00 and the show was about to start
i looked towards the door and there was dom
talking with some of his friends.
i kept saying in my head "please sit on the other side"
over and over. but apparently he can't read minds
because he sat right in my row.
alyssa moved to the other side of me so she could sit
next to john and dom was on the other side of john.
dom waved to me, smiled, and said hey
i did the same back.
alyssa showed him her really tight pants and he said to me
"do you wear pants this tight?" and i said "no" and he said "good".
throughout the show he was being his usual obnoxious self.
during intermission he gave alyssa a hug because he didnt before.
and then he looked at me and said
"why aren't you giving me a hug?! what am i black? come here you"
so i stood up and gave him a hug.
and then i said "how are you?" and he said
"good. how are you?" and i said "im good."
and then he goes "sorry for being an asshole"
and i said "its okay."  =[

whenever something funny happened during the show
dom would laugh. it made my heart start racing.
he has such a good laugh. i miss his laugh. i love his laugh.
it killed me to hear him laugh every 5 seconds.
i remember that day we were at long brook
and we were walking back to my car he laughed
at something and i told him he has a funny laugh
he said "i have a retarded laugh" asdfghjkl;

ugh. im trying really hard to not like him
but it isnt working at all.
it feels likes its been forever but
it hasnt even been three months.
i just wanna be over him. i wanna move on.
but at the exact same time.. i wanna make love to him.

peel back your skin

we are all worried about you.
you are scaring us.
we care about you and want you to be happy.
we don't like it when you don't act like yourself.
it confuses us and we don't know how to react.
when you tell us not to worry, it only worries us more.
when you don't give us all the details, we image the worst.
usually it turns out to be nothing serious.
but other times.. that's not the case.
we don't need another episode like the one in 2005.
we love you too much to let that happen.
take a deep breath and relax.
your light isn't finished shining yet.

just watch my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you

so now since i am in love with him,
you have to be in love with him too.
way to copy every thing that i do.
when i find a new band that no one knows about
and i start to love then, you just have to love them too
and then you act like as if you discovered them.
well you didnt. i did! so stop pretending to be a diehard
to bands that you wouldnt have even found out about
if i havent discovered them first.

i honestly hate it that you think you love alex marshall
you dont know anything about him. you just saw his picture
and knew that i love him, so naturally you have to love him too.
no i am not going to "share" him with you.
if im gonna share him with anyone.. is gonna be jesi
because she is a true diehard. and because she called dibs.

this is why i hate telling you stuff.
because you copy everything that i do.

when i was all excited about talking to Travis from WTK on the
phone, you were all jealous and you didnt even want to hear about it.
wtf!? shut up!! you dont even know who We The Kings is!
stop being just a poser!!

theres a reason why i didnt want you to come to the rrrglt with me.
figure it out.

unbelievable

1.19 best night of my life
seriously. words cannot explain how much fun a had last night
it bascially makes me want to cry because
i just cant believe it actually happened.

so heres a quick summary of all the things that happened:
me and alyssa got there at like 4ish.
while we were waiting in line cobra was doing a sound check
i could see gabe and ryland through the door.
later alex and gabe came outside.
gabe went inside the tour bus but alex walked around.
me and alyssa walked up to alex and got pictures with him
he was such a sweetheart!! it was amazing :]
while we ere waiting in line we saw these people coming in and out:
gabe, alex, ryland, travis, trace, mason, & some of the dudes from the cab
so finally we got inside and got as close as we could to the stage.
we started off being on the right side but throughout the concert
we got pushed around so much and eventually ended up on the left side.
the cab was awesome! we the kings was amazing! metro station was unbelievable!
after metro station was done, trace threw his water bottle into the crowd
i caught but it bounced out of my hands and this kid behind me caught it
he [Chris] wasnt a big metro fan so he asked me if i wanted it!
and of course i said yes! and then i told him i love him!

cobra starship. how can i express how amazing they were?
well lets just say this concert was 100x better than fob concerts
gabe definitely got me high! he was so incredible.
during guilty pleasure people in the front started going on the stage
by the end of the song i was standing right next to gabe
and i got a guitar pick :]

after the show they all came out of the tour bus
i asked gabe if i could take a pic with him and he said of course!
i also got a picture with ryland and he signed my pick
"oooh clandestine wallet!" hahaha
later on i went back to gabe and told him that we have the same bday
he was like "no way! october 11th!? awesome!"
and then he did a secret handshake with me!
and then i asked if i could take a pic of me kissing him on the cheek!
and he said of course! we ened up taking two more pictures.
then i told him he smelt good. he said thanks, smiled, and then we left

the whole night was absoutely perfect.
i couldnt have dreamed it any better.
thank you.

still stalking

make me stop thinking about him.